A Loan of Love: Appreciating the Blessing of Family in Difficult Times

Among the greatest means by which a servant's faith is strengthened is to witness revelation come alive before his own eyes. To read the Qur'an and the prophetic traditions without seeing their practical manifestations is one matter; to experience the truth of revelation firsthand in one's own life is another altogether. In the present circumstances of pandemic and closure, this experience is realized in the hadith collected by al-Bukhārī and reported by Ibn ʿAbbās, in which the Prophet ﷺ said, "There are two blessings which most people are cheated out of: good health and free time." The deeper lesson here is not merely the blessing of health, which occupies people's concern at present, but rather that there are blessings near to us that are easily overlooked—either because we are preoccupied with attaining other things, or because familiarity has led us to take them for granted.

For those who live near the masjid, the temporary closure of the houses of worship and the inability to attend the Friday congregation and the daily prayers in congregation has awakened a renewed love for the houses of Allah. This rekindled yearning, especially as Ramadan draws near, brings alive the words of Allah, the Exalted: "No affliction happens except by the will of Allah. And Allah will guide the heart of whoever has īmān in Him." ʿAlqama bin Qays (d. 62 AH), the scholar of Kufa and student of ʿAbdullāh bin Masʿūd, explained this verse to refer to "a person afflicted by a trial but who knows it is from Allah and so is pleased with Allah and submits to Allah's will."

An integral part of that submission is to be granted the ability to search for the indications of Allah's perfection within a trial, rather than being consumed by the trial itself. Whoever does so is enabled to praise and thank Allah in moments of hardship rather than complain, and thereby practices an act of worship often mistaken as belonging to the limb and tongue more than the heart: gratitude. Even if Muslims gained nothing from this pandemic beyond a greater love and reverence for the masjid, that alone would suffice as a blessing. To appreciate its weight, consider that when people are resurrected, they will wade in perspiration according to their sins. Abū Bakr bin al-ʿArabī (d. 543 AH), the Mālikī scholar, noted that each person will drown in his own perspiration in accordance with his sins, the perspiration rising with him without affecting the one beside him—unlike water upon the earth.

Among those who will find relief on that Day is the one whose heart is attached to the masjid. In the hadith collected by al-Bukhārī and Muslim, reported by Abū Hurayrah, the Prophet ﷺ mentioned "seven people whom Allah will shade on a day there is no shade but His shade," among them "a person whose heart is tied to the masjid." Muslim's narration reads, "A person tied to the masjid from the time he leaves it until he returns." Ibn ʿAbdul Barr (d. 463 AH), the scholar of al-Andalus, remarked in his commentary on al-Muwaṭṭaʾ that whoever attains Allah's shade on that Day has escaped the horrors of the standing, if Allah wills. Consider then all those who now long for Allah's houses, and that Allah created the very circumstances by which that longing was cultivated in their hearts—a painful experience that may prove their salvation from the terrors of that awesome Day. This is but one of the countless manifestations of Allah's unmatched wisdom in guiding His servants to what they most need.

Another blessing of this trial, and a clear sign of Allah's wisdom, is that He has brought together family members who had grown accustomed to living apart, each in his own orbit between the material and the virtual world. Like health, free time, and the masjid, family is a blessing of which many are cheated. Allah indicates its worth in Sūrah an-Naḥl: "Allah gave you spouses from yourselves and gave you children and grandchildren from your spouses and provided you with good and wholesome things. Do they believe in falsehood and show ingratitude for the favors of Allah?" The closeness of family is further implied in His words describing the Day "when a person will run away and leave behind his brother, his mother, and his father, his companion, and his children." Muḥammad ʿAlī ash-Shawkānī (d. 1250 AH), the Yemeni scholar of the thirteenth hijrī century, explained in Fatḥ ul-qadīr that these relatives are named specifically because they are one's closest kin, "to whom one is expected to show the most affection and compassion," so that fleeing from them could only occur amid unimaginable horror.

Yet though the terrors of that Day have not arrived, many family members are already distant, and this estrangement has become the norm—lives arranged so that families spend as little time together as possible, each retreating to a screen. Distressingly, even amid the pandemic many are frustrated at spending extended time together and long to return to "better times" of separation. Often it is only when disaster strikes and loss becomes real that its true value is felt. In the narration collected by Muslim from Anas bin Mālik, when the young Abū ʿUmayr passed away, Umm Sulaym gently broke the news to Abū Ṭalḥah by asking whether a family should refuse to return a loaned item when its owner reclaims it; when he answered no, she said, "So be patient and seek reward with Allah for the loss of your son." Her words teach that our time with one another is a loan, limited and thus precious. If we regard each family as a loan of comfort, love, and mercy that will one day be reclaimed, perhaps we will better cherish our time together.

The path to recognizing family's true worth begins in the heart, then appears on the tongue through thanking Allah and supplicating for one's family. Ibn ʿUmar reported that the Prophet ﷺ never omitted, morning and evening, the words: "O Allah, I ask you for protection in regards to my religion, my worldly affairs, my family and my wealth." Al-Amīr aṣ-Ṣanʿānī explained that protection concerning one's family means being saved from poor interaction with them, from their affliction with illness, and from preoccupation with material excess. Allah likewise describes the servants of the Most Merciful as those who say, "Our Lord, make our spouses and our children the joy of our eyes and make us ourselves leaders in piety and righteousness." Ibn Kathīr commented that they ask Allah to raise from their offspring those who obey and worship Him alone, and he quoted al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī: "There is nothing more joyous to a Muslim than seeing his child, grandchild, brother, or close relative obedient to Allah."

This appreciation extends to concern for family's well-being in both this life and the next, for material comfort must inevitably end. Ibn Rajab al-Ḥanbalī observed that duʿāʾ linguistically means "seeking," and that it takes two forms: directly asking Allah, and seeking the means to what is desired by busying oneself in Allah's obedience and remembrance. He cited the tradition collected by at-Tirmidhī from Abū Saʿīd al-Khudrī, in which Allah says, "Whoever is distracted from asking me directly because he is preoccupied with the Qur'an and remembering me, I will give him the best of what I give those who ask." Thus the one who truly desires good for his family both prays for them and strives to attain it—leading by example and establishing a home founded upon Islamic values. The present circumstances offer an opportunity to establish prayer on time as a family and to practice the remembrances after prayer and in the morning and evening. Abū Hurayrah reported that when the poor companions complained of the wealthy's advantage in good deeds, the Prophet ﷺ taught them to say Subḥānallāh, Alḥamdulillāh, and Allāhu Akbar thirty-three times after every prayer, by which they would catch up to those ahead of them.

One should also model service to the family, for helping one another with the tasks of the home may itself become a means of drawing near to Allah. This balance was established by the Prophet ﷺ, as ʿĀʾishah reported in the collection of al-Bukhārī that he "used to be in the service of his family; however, when it was time for prayer, he left to go pray." This appreciation—realized in the heart, expressed on the tongue, and practiced through the limbs—will also cause us to be remembered by those dearest to us when we shall be in need of it, as Allah commands the righteous child: "Show merciful humility towards them, and say, 'My Lord, show mercy to them because they cared for me when I was young.'" We ask Allah to enable us to seize this opportunity He has placed before us out of His wisdom and mercy, and to remove this and every affliction from the Muslims everywhere. Ameen.