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Trailer: Why Me? | A Ramadan Series on Understanding Qadar
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Why Did They Have to Die? | Why Me?
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Can I Escape The Outcome of My Sins? | Why Me?
Why Is There So Much Suffering in The World? | Why Me?
Do Good Deeds Extend My Life? | Why Me?
What If It's Too Late? | Why Me?
How Can I Accept That I'm Dying? | Why Me?
Will Allah Still Forgive Me? | Why Me?
What Will The Day of My Death Be Like? | Why Me?
When Life Comes Full Circle | Why Me?
Did My Life Really Matter? | Why Me?
Why Me
Why Did They Have to Die? | Why Me?
Every soul must taste death, and every human must experience loss. But how do you deal with that loss, accept the reality of death, and understand a decree that seems to take away what you love so dearly?
Watch the "For Those Left Behind," series here: https://yqn.io/kllp
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings.
Allah says in a hadith qudsi,
Sometimes it can feel like it destroys those of us who have been left behind. Why, O Allah, did they have to die? Especially now when things were finally going right?
On a personal level,
I lost my mother between my nikah and my wedding, and I've been grieving her ever since. And as much as I felt connected to her when she was here, sometimes I feel even more connected while she's not here. Sometimes your relationship with the dead is even stronger than when they were alive.
Because in some ways you can do more for them now than you could have done when they were in this dunya. How? Because before you couldn't do good deeds on their behalf the way that you can now. And those good deeds on their behalf are far more precious than
anything you could have benefited them when they were still with you. While they move on to their new life, hopefully in a better place, your life will never be the same after their death.
And there's the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (ﷺ) and how we live our lives. And there's also his Sunnah on how we grieve our dead. He buried almost every single one of his immediate family members
in his own lifetime (ﷺ). His beloved wife Khadijah (رضي الله عنها), six of his own seven children. He buries his mother when he's only six years old himself.
He buries his grandfather when he's nine. He buries his father figure in Abu Talib under the worst of circumstances. And of course his actual father already had passed away before he was born (ﷺ).
And his grieving was so profoundly human yet so perfectly prophetic. In the famous incident of the death of his son Ibrahim as he's holding his son and his tears are falling on his corpse.
He says (ﷺ), the eye sheds tears and the heart grieves and we are hurting over your loss. O Ibrahim, but we will not say except that which pleases our Lord.
The Prophet (ﷺ) had no doubt about where Ibrahim was going, but he was incredibly hurt over the pain of that separation while he's still here. He had full rahmah which is mercy and full rida which is contentment.
And Imam Ibn al-Qayyim explains that there is a genius to this and that there are levels to the level of mercy that you can have and the level of contentment that you can have with Allah's decree.
The highest rank he says are those that have both rida which is contentment as well as rahmah which is mercy and he said that's when the eyes cry, but the heart is content.
Then he says below that is when a person has rahmah, but they don't have rida. So they're grieved out of mercy, but they can't find contentment in their heart and they continue to be disturbed by that death.
The third level he says is when you have rida, but you don't have rahmah. So a person feels no emotions and is not at all moved, but they still accepted the decree of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Then he says the lowest level is when you have neither rahmah or rida. So all you have is grief and resentment of Allah's decree. The Prophet (ﷺ) was of course the epitome of the highest rank.
Imam Ibn Taymiyyah (رحمه الله) was asked something very interesting about this. He was asked when you go through the stories of scholars that came before, sometimes you find scholars and great people in Islamic
history who lost their children and they did not respond with crying. They didn't respond with the emotion that the Prophet (ﷺ) responded with. Particularly, he was asked about the story of Fudayl ibn 'Iyad (رحمه الله)
who lost his beloved son Yusuf who died in salah praying behind him and Fudayl loved him so much, but he was at the janazah walking around with a big smile on his face.
So some of the people asked him, are you grieving? Are you okay? He said I wanted to show Allah that I accept His divine decree. Now if you compare the response of Fudayl to losing his son Yusuf
to the response of the Prophet (ﷺ) to losing his son Ibrahim, which one of them was the more perfect response? Ibn Taymiyyah (رحمه الله) said it's actually the Prophet (ﷺ)'s response because he didn't have to compromise
his rahmah in order to have his rida. He didn't have to lose mercy in order to have contentment. Whereas the rest of us, we have these two emotions and sometimes we have to privilege one over the other in order to perfect the
emotion and Fudayl did not want to show dissatisfaction with the decree of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. In many ways, the janazah is more for us than the person who has died. As soon as we return from the graveyard, we feel the emptiness of the home
they don't come back to and we feel the weight of our deeds for them knowing they wish they could still do them for themselves. People can outlive their biological clock, but you're a huge
part of that. Any good that they did, any good they may have taught you, any way that they benefited you, carry it forward and be part of the reason that their scrolls of deeds continue
even after their scroll of decree has now fallen from the throne of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So that their actions can continue to benefit them and also benefit generations still to come on this earth.
And one of the best ways to cope is not just to be a source of goodness for the newly departed, but to be a source of comfort to others that are now grieving the same loss as you. When you heal them, Allah starts to heal you.
And even if you feel like you're hurting most, the widow that focuses on caring for her children, the child that now focuses on his widowed parents, all of that is of the best ways that you can grieve and continue to be elevated.
For the one that's now gone, Allah has decreed memories for us sometimes as reminders to not forget and sometimes as a gift to get you through. Cherish those memories that you had together in this life.
Then make new memories through the du'as and donations on their behalf that you'll be able to celebrate together in the next life insha'Allah. Death can be the greatest teacher we have and the people that have
gone ahead have taught us in so many ways and we often learn so much more about them once they're gone. Their hidden struggles or their hidden good deeds, the responsibilities they had that we now have to assume.
But imagine out of everything your parents taught you, Allah decrees Jannah for you through your being patient with their death. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in a hadith qudsi
I have nothing to give but Jannah as a reward to my believing servant who if I cause their loved one to die remains patient and that's not just true for our parents, but anyone we love. Allah knows how much you love them and how much you restrain your
pain for them out of your love for Him. And sometimes that alone is enough to earn you Jannah.
So long as you are in this world be not surprised at the existence of sorrow for truly it manifests nothing but what is in keeping with its character or its inevitable nature.
This temporary life we live is just a cycle of events to be patient with and events to be grateful for. The moments when you are tested with loss reveal your truest character and commitment.
That doesn't mean that loss won't hurt, it will. It can tear apart your happiness and make you question your own will to continue on in life. But the new connection Allah may be building between you and Him
and you and the others around you may be truly special. While He's also not letting you get too attached to this life. The Prophet (ﷺ) said be frequent in remembering
death for it is hadim al-ladhdhat, the destroyer of all pleasures because inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un, to Allah we all belong and to Him we all return and that puts into perspective how every
single person in our lives and every single piece of us is on its way back to Allah and at the time which He decides.
